Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.



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Knock, knock.



Who's there?



The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.



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A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.



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Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.



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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

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Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.



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Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange

men coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit.'

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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.



hahahahahahahahaha!

:D

a midget goes into the gynecologist (you should stop reading this joke right now, it never really gets better than "a midget goes into the gynecologist") and she says, Doc, I got this problem, everytime it rains, my vagina hurts. Well, it wasn't raining that day, so the doctor told her to come back when it was. The next time it rains, she comes back. She says, Doc, my vagina is killing me. He says, well, let's get you up in the stirrups and see what the problem is. She climbs up on the table, puts her feet in the air, the doctor takes one look and goes, oh, ok, I see the problem. He grabs a pair of scissors, and starts snippin at something, snip snip snip. 'There' he says, 'all done. stand up and tell me how your vagina feels now' the midget stands up, 'Dang doc, that feels so much better! what did you do to me?' doctor says, 'I didn't do anything to you, but I did take 3 inches off the top of your wellingtons'



see, I told you it never got funnier than 'a midget goes into the gynecologist'

I've only heard this in Swedish, so I'll do my best translating it...



The directors of the Budweiser, Carlsberg and Heineken breweries goes to a restaurant for dinner.

The Waiter asks "Do you want to start off with something to drink?".

Head of Budweiser says "I'll have a Bud please". The Carlsberg director says "I'll go for a Carlsberg". And last the head of Heineken says "I'll have Coke please".

The others are silent for a while and then asks "Why didn't you ask for a Heineken?". He responds "If you're not drinking beer, I won't either..."



hmm....my translation wasn't as funny as when I heard it...

your translation was great... that's fucking funny.