hahahaha this story is so funny :D

BWAHAHAHA... somethingawful's Hipster Spotting Guide brings you..





American Anglophiles



Identification: A dying breed, thank god, since England elected to stop producing relevant music sometime around 1997. Nonetheless, the vast backlog of available UK crap means that the US will never be without its share of irritating Anglophiles. If you can?t spot an Anglophile from his style alone (foppish haircut, Doc Martens, cuffed jeans, peacoat, skinny tie), his true colors will shine through as soon as he opens his mouth: he?ll be determined to flex his affectations at any available moment. Listen for telltale words like ?arse,? ?bollocks,? ?shite,? ?cunt (referring to a friend),? and ?Babyshambles.? Also, listen for the key phrase ?oh, you mean American football.? Don?t diss Irvine Welsh in front of him, or he?ll do that little backwards peace-sign thing that apparently constitutes the sad English excuse for a flip-off. Anglophiles are often pathetic in their constant attempts at literate, withering, Morrisseyesque wit, and for this reason they will often come off as pretentious, undereducated nancies (just like Morrissey, as their luck would have it).



Female Anglophiles are the worst of the worst; they combine all the aforementioned qualities with the additional bonus trait of fawning, overzealous fandom for the various gorgeous Jarvises and Crispins that defined Britpop?s heyday with their feminine looks and spasmodic dancing. They are the closest thing the new millennium has to Tiger Beat David Cassidy fans.



Musical Taste: The artistic merit of any band is judged on a simple percentage scale:





From Manchester: 100% artistically credible (unless Oasis)

From London: 90% artistically credible (unless formed before 1977)

From Liverpool: 85% artistically credible

From anywhere else in England: 75% artistically credible

From anywhere in Scotland: 90% artistically credible

From anywhere in Ireland: 65% artistically credible

From anywhere else: 0% artistically credible (unless band pretends to be English)

Other factors contribute, of course: paleness of lead singer; strength of debut album vs. awfulness of sophomore album; banality of one-word band name; cost of guitarist?s vintage Gibson archtop; degree of unpopularity in America; weight of idiotically enthusiastic NME articles, etc.



How to Tame an Anglophile: Offer to light his or her clove with your Union Jack Zippo.



Benefits of Friendship: You might be able to get mildly aroused by a Jarvis Cocker poster if you squint real hard and pretend he?s Kate Moss (and then maybe brain-squint really hard until you can figure out a way to find Kate Moss attractive). Also, you?ll learn how to spell lots of words the ?proper? way.



Drawbacks of Friendship: ?Argh! How can I lend you ten quid if you don?t even know what the fuck a quid is? Also, stop calling me ?mate!? What are you, Crocodile Dundee??

Son of a Peach !

http://www.waraiseek...8/http%3A%2F%2F

^^^^ X-D X-D X-D X-D



omg that is too funny

The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today's revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise press conference today, the men behind Doherty's career reveled themselves - and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British history.



The men behind the scandal - Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF - admitted how they plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator Doherty from obscurity and made him a media darling. "It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our celbrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to that." Mr Drummond called Britain's pop-culture "sick" and said that although he regretted the hurt caused to Doherty's many fans, he hoped "this incident taught us all some important things".



In a prepared statement, the two men - famous for many other pop pranks, including the famous burning of GBP1million on a remote Scottish island - detailed how they manipulated the British Press into making Doherty an icon. Doherty - whose real name has now been revealed to be Trevor McDermott - was making a living as a part-time Buddy Holly impersonator in the Cornwall holiday circuit. He began a short-lived affair with the singer of a well known 80's rock band, and was introduced to Drummond and Cauty at a backstage party in London's West End. The men described how a drunken McDermott amused them with his slurred singing and frenetic dance movements, and how they then realised that this would be the perfect "dupe" for a plan they had been hatching for some time.



"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British society," reads the statement. "The first is that in the so-called "alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The Libertines, and rumours of exposive gigs were leaked to the media. "The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn't have to worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic, journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the front of every single fictional gig." Within weeks, The Libertines were appearing on magazines and receiving record offers. Gigs sold out in minutes, while their first album "Up The Bracket" flew off shelves.



Feeling that their first point had been proved, Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory: "We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don't care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it's something they shouldn't be doing."



To demonstrate this, the men co-ordinated a number of scandals. First was a robbery staged in the house of one of the band members. When this took place, McDermott (aka Doherty) was unknown outside of the alternative music scene. An incident of this calibre was sufficient, however, to catapult McDermott onto the front page of every major national tabloid. "One day we has just another singer, the next day he was 'Disgraced Celebrity Rocker', and he hasn't been out of the papers since". Further revelations about drug abuse and violence kept McDermott and The Libertines on the front pages for months.



One thing that took even Drummond and Cauty by surprise was the affair with model Kate Moss. "That was not something that we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss Moss." However, this was the boost their project needed - where the drugs and crime had made McDermott a media sensation, the relationship with one of fashion's most famous women catapulted him into the world of true celebrity. "While we had not planned this, it certainly proved our point. There are many superior artists in the country today, but they never appear in Heat or The Sun, because they don't have the words 'boyfriend of Kate Moss' after their name."



Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. "We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem - that 'If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we'll believe it's a bar of gold' - seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."



In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing "Peggy Sue" at a Butlin's in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.

X-D

http://airguitar.tml.hut.fi/



Bwah! Air guitar so rocks.

Darkstarexodus Escribi�:

The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today's revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise press conference today, the men behind Doherty's career reveled themselves - and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British history.



The men behind the scandal - Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF - admitted how they plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator Doherty from obscurity and made him a media darling. "It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our celbrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to that." Mr Drummond called Britain's pop-culture "sick" and said that although he regretted the hurt caused to Doherty's many fans, he hoped "this incident taught us all some important things".



In a prepared statement, the two men - famous for many other pop pranks, including the famous burning of GBP1million on a remote Scottish island - detailed how they manipulated the British Press into making Doherty an icon. Doherty - whose real name has now been revealed to be Trevor McDermott - was making a living as a part-time Buddy Holly impersonator in the Cornwall holiday circuit. He began a short-lived affair with the singer of a well known 80's rock band, and was introduced to Drummond and Cauty at a backstage party in London's West End. The men described how a drunken McDermott amused them with his slurred singing and frenetic dance movements, and how they then realised that this would be the perfect "dupe" for a plan they had been hatching for some time.



"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British society," reads the statement. "The first is that in the so-called "alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The Libertines, and rumours of exposive gigs were leaked to the media. "The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn't have to worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic, journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the front of every single fictional gig." Within weeks, The Libertines were appearing on magazines and receiving record offers. Gigs sold out in minutes, while their first album "Up The Bracket" flew off shelves.



Feeling that their first point had been proved, Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory: "We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don't care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it's something they shouldn't be doing."



To demonstrate this, the men co-ordinated a number of scandals. First was a robbery staged in the house of one of the band members. When this took place, McDermott (aka Doherty) was unknown outside of the alternative music scene. An incident of this calibre was sufficient, however, to catapult McDermott onto the front page of every major national tabloid. "One day we has just another singer, the next day he was 'Disgraced Celebrity Rocker', and he hasn't been out of the papers since". Further revelations about drug abuse and violence kept McDermott and The Libertines on the front pages for months.



One thing that took even Drummond and Cauty by surprise was the affair with model Kate Moss. "That was not something that we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss Moss." However, this was the boost their project needed - where the drugs and crime had made McDermott a media sensation, the relationship with one of fashion's most famous women catapulted him into the world of true celebrity. "While we had not planned this, it certainly proved our point. There are many superior artists in the country today, but they never appear in Heat or The Sun, because they don't have the words 'boyfriend of Kate Moss' after their name."



Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. "We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem - that 'If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we'll believe it's a bar of gold' - seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."



In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing "Peggy Sue" at a Butlin's in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.

X-D

Dude, where did you find that? I fucking love the Jam...



Is that supposed to be a joke, because I could totally buy that.

haha, this teacher cracks me up NEEGUH!

http://www.filecabi....igga-please.wmv

toomuch'stash Escribi�:

Dude, where did you find that? I fucking love the Jam...



Is that supposed to be a joke, because I could totally buy that.

Came across it on a footy forum I frequent. No source attributed. A good read, though! :D I'm still not convinced it is a joke.

I read this great book by Bill Drummond, called 'Bad Wisdom', about a quest to take a picture of Elvis to the north pole... it was really good.

Rosa Helikopter :D



http://www.peaches.se/video_rosa.htm

What to do when a telemarketer calls...



1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for

bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.



2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you

asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these

problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just

died . . . "



3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell

their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them

where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people

work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married,

how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions

or questions about their company for as long as necessary.



4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy

and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real

husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"



5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have

you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror

as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.



6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and

keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most

fun if you can do it until they hang up.



7. If bt calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends

Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any

friends, would you be my friend?"



8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you

get out goat blood? How about human blood?"



9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to

marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just

give your credit card number to a complete stranger.



10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they

can't sell to employees.



11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set

the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.



12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if

he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her

back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out

their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at

home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!"

Hang up.



13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.



14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put

them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.

Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.



15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if

they could bring you some beer.



16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.



17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should

probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."



18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

"Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mother?"



19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up .

. . louder . . . louder . . .



20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word

down.

haha class!!! X-D

haha check this out blowers world



http://www.blowersworld.com/index2.htm



foloow the instructions and try it yerself :D



(ps 5 points to the first person to spot the forum member ;))

mippio Escribi�:

haha check this out blowers world



http://www.blowersworld.com/index2.htm



foloow the instructions and try it yerself :D



(ps 5 points to the first person to spot the forum member ;))

"You are not authorized to view this page

You do not have permission to view this directory or page using the credentials that you supplied."





wtf ?

remember that oxide & Neutrino song with the casualty sample? Listen to this version http://www.madefordj...rs_pisstake.MP3



XD

the most patient kid in the world....



http://www.dumpalink...uy_In_The_World



someone give him some orange squash or ritalin ;)