Hi guys. I suppose I'll write about an interesting dinner later, but now is not the time for my douchebaggery.
The crossing of lives and paths, the interconnectedness of us all is far too great to ignore--timing and incidence, reaction and consequence. Right now, I know somehow, with certainty, that everything is going the way it's supposed to go, and that my control over my own path is greater than it ever has been. At some point I learned that everyone, at their most basic level, has more control over their lives than they know, simply by being able to control how they respond to the events which occur in their lives. My sense is that as we grow older we embrace this idea and build on it, therefore extending our state into our greater reality, controlling it as much as our ability will allow.
With that said, my newfound ability to shape my life to meet my goals is being met with a lot of pain. The last three days, my soon-to-be-ex girlfriend and I have been sorting things out, and it's been a very, very rough process. The memories and shared experiences over four years of being together make this point a very difficult one, and it's been punctuated by the death of her mother. She died last night.
Her mother really liked me, and I always felt accepted and loved by her. I don't know how close I was to her, but she was still a loved figure in my life, regardless of our closeness. I have a number of emotions tearing through me at this point, the largest of them all being sadness, another of note being guilt, and there is going to be a lot to deal with over the next week or so.
I would love for this to be a Hollywood ending, the manufactured sad moment which pushes a troubled couple together and gives them hope for the future. The unfortunate truth is that despite the tragic loss of her mother, we still have our own lives to sort out and there is no immediate security which we both will reach.
Anyway, I need some coffee. I need to remember that yes, all this is happening for a reason, and despite the pain, this is all just another turn of the rock tumbler--the big machine in which we exist where we all get our rough edges smoothed over to a shine, pain and experience making us sparkle, until we're ready for that final release...