Bwahahaha.... the Neville Diaries continue..... Seriously class. Read it.



From koptalk.org:



------------------

Neville's Guide To Keepers

Monday June 06 2005



Edwin van der Sar is the latest number one at Old Trafford. But what would our hero Gary Neville say about his predecessors? We make it up here...









MARK BOSNICH

I will never, ever, ever forgive the fatty sniffer for making me look silly in front of Sir in Brazil when he made a mess of two brilliantly perfect back passes from me. He had the nerve to blame me, Gary Neville, the bestest right-back (the hardest position in football) at the greatest club in the whole wide world ever! That's when I told Sir it would never work.



And he shouted at me (but I didn't cry. Much) once for using some of his talc on my winkie after a shower. What kind of talc costs �50 a gram though? Certainly not Karate!, which is my special favourite because mum says it makes me smell like a man.



And he's a Tory and everyone knows that Sir and me vote Labour (by the way, I think Sir should be Prime Minister and then I could be in his cabinet. Again).





MASSIMO TAIBI

A tramp. I once caught him sleeping in the goalmouth at Carrington. That's when I told Sir it would never work. He never did his homework and always tried to get out of having a bath - and then he had the cheek to tell Sir when I tried to get his kit off and drag him in! That's when he had mud on his knees for two whole weeks. And he wouldn't even let me spit on my hanky and rub it off like Mum does.



I miss him.





FABIEN BARTHEZ

A silly, silly man who thought he had the bushiest moustache on the whole team - I think he must have been jealous because his girlfriend Linda obviously thought that I was much more handsome with a much thicker moustache, and Mum agreed. And so did Phil after the Chinese burn. But I had to break her heart because we all know girls smell. That's when I told Sir it would never work.



I once asked David if I could kiss him on the head like Blankety-Blanc (:-)) did to Barthez before every game, but he said some very rude words to me. This is how you know David really, really likes you.





ANDY GORAM

A nice, cuddly man who reminded me of Matron.





ROY CARROLL

Sweaty Sock Roy is leaving the greatest club in the world ever now because Sir said he wouldn't give him any money and would only pay him in chips. I don't know what's wrong with that - Wayne gets paid in chips (and sausages for goals) and he's very happy. I would play for Action Men or bottles of Karate!. I helped Sir take the wheels off Roy's caravan so he couldn't take it with him.



I hope he plays for a Premiership club next season so that I can score lots and lots of spectacular goals. I scored one in training once against Roy. That's when I told Sir it would never work.



(By the way, whatever people say, that wasn't a goal against Tottenham. It's just that the light and the way that the grass was cut made it look like it was. In fact, lots and lots of goals have been given against us at Old Trafford that were never goals at all. So there.)





RICARDO

My best friend at the club - he was the only one who never told me to f*** off. And despite what Rio says, this is not because he can't speak English.





TIM HOWARD

Says a lot of rude words (like 'ass'! He he) but not as many as Roy and Sir. Apparently he is autistic (I lent him Rainman so he could understand but I don't think he knows how to use a DVD). Sir is trying to tap into his powers so he can win at horse racing. He let me put a bet on once of 23p - which is exactly half what Sweaty Sock Roy was paid before he left.



I found out that Tim is American. That's when I told Sir it would never work.

Well, Liverpool will be allowed in to Champions League........ at the first qualifying round. Ugh. On the plus side, there is no country protection, so we could face Everton in the 3rd qualifying round. I would love to put the Blues out of the competition. Lovely.

Spurs win game 1.....if anyone cares about basketball other then me :?

I like, most of the american sports, altho im not a huge fan i just like watchin it when its on.. but i really like football (soccer) and i support liverpooll ( EURO CHAMPIONS!!) :D....



Ive supported them thru thick and thin and its about time we got some credit :)

Foxboy Escribi�:

but i really like football (soccer) and i support liverpooll ( EURO CHAMPIONS!!)

I bet Owens wishing he had stayed with them now! I really hope he comes back and plays in England again!

i was thinkin that myself, i bet he hada wish he stayed.. but too bad for him, i like him n all! i have his autograph:P



a sign picture of him.. i got it given to me by some guy i met in england.

he'll most likely go bk to england.. and if he plays like he did.. it wud be good for england in the world cup next year.. i really hope they'll win.. aswell as Ireland but i reckon england have a better chance cause of steven gerrard winnin the champions league.. i think hed be a good captain for england

spurs up 2-1 in the finals

pistons will still beat them all the way



I think it was the water they were drinking in san antonio ha



yea so they have to win 3 games out of 4 left



but next three games in detroit



woo

can I suposrt manchester united or am I gonan be banished from here?

Nerdcore Escribi�:

pistons will still beat them all the way



I think it was the water they were drinking in san antonio ha



yea so they have to win 3 games out of 4 left



but next three games in detroit



woo

I dont think so.......Tim Duncan is way too good to let the pistons win it....were all jaded by his talent....I'm going to be bold and say he's the second best player to ever put on a basketball jersey...of course the 1st being Jordan. :)

any baseball fans here? :)

I like baseball but im not a huge fan like i said, i live in the UK so i cant follow it like any decent supporter of the US, but i still like it... when we were kids we used to play it in the streets.. we called it rounders though :P there prettymuch the same game.



If i was to support any team for each sport of america

NHL - Detroit Red Wings (i dono i just like the players names and theyre my top pick in the NHL games)

NBA - Im dont know..hm...lakers perhaps?

NBL (think thats it, Baseball anyway) - NY Yankees ( when limp bizkit were a big band back in the day when i was about 11, i had a NY Yankees fitted cap.. red like him so thats kinda why i like them!)

Foxboy Escribi�:

I like baseball but im not a huge fan like i said, i live in the UK so i cant follow it like any decent supporter of the US, but i still like it... when we were kids we used to play it in the streets.. we called it rounders though :P there prettymuch the same game.



If i was to support any team for each sport of america

NHL - Detroit Red Wings (i dono i just like the players names and theyre my top pick in the NHL games)

NBA - Im dont know..hm...lakers perhaps?

NBL (think thats it, Baseball anyway) - NY Yankees ( when limp bizkit were a big band back in the day when i was about 11, i had a NY Yankees fitted cap.. red like him so thats kinda why i like them!)

MLB*

Is it not NBA no more no?

MLB - Major League Basketball?



Oh and another thing i think its really gay that the NHL players went on strike.. i was lookin forward to seeing some good highlights from the stanley cup + playoffs etc.. they earn nearly twice as much as footballers here do.. and people here think thats bad!

no you had NBA right.......but you put put NBL and was reffering to baseball so i assume you ment MLB(majorl league baseball)

ah yeh!

NBL - National Baseball League



Aye thats cool, Major League Baseball

perhaps your confused with the two different leagues in MLB. There is a NL(national league) and an AL(american league). Both play by the same rules except the american league uses a DH(designated hitter) in place of the pitcher, where as in the NL they must have the pitcher hit.

Anyone see Juninho's goal for Brazil v. Greece at the Confederations Cup? 8O 8O 8O Every bit as good as Beckham in a deadball situation if you ask me (probably even better, these days). Adriano's goal wasn't too shabby either.

All my favorite goals come from the team i follow Liverpool

There is also some classical goals aswell, but none that come to mind..atm



1 of my favorite goals ever was back in the 00/01 season i think where Liverpool played Man UTD at Anfield, and out of no where came steven gerrard and took on about 4 defenders and Bang top right corner.. AMAZING!



Then the the goal last season in the champs league.. Luis Garcia against Juve at Anfield, when i seen that go in i was blown away it was an amazing goal! not only cause it was my team beating one of the top dawgs of europ but because it was such a good goal!

afterwards the commentator said.. 30million pounds of a keeper couldnt even save it! (somethin along the lines of that)

rooneys volley against middlesborough (i think??) was def one of the best of all time.