You lemme know when you want to move into my car and start eating out of dumpsters, and I'll go back to pursuing my writing career.

Hangover went away after about ten minutes of being awake. Yay!



Last night was a blast, really good time despite waiting two hours in -15 C in just a hoodie to get in. Biggest bar night of the year, I mean, what better way to celebrate the death of your saviour than by getting extremely shitfaced, right?



Had an hour long phone call with an old friend after that I hadn't talked to or seen in 2 1/2 years since we'd had a falling out. It was her birthday and it was an awesome drunk conversation (on my side anyways) until after 4 AM. I haven't laughed so hard in a while.



And 'stash, you definetly have a way with words that I admire. Of capturing the essential feelings of getting seriously mashed.

Darkstarexodus Escribi�:

And 'stash, you definetly have a way with words that I admire. Of capturing the essential feelings of getting seriously mashed.

my raison d'etre, really

Both Whirly and Stash are very good with words. Stash is just VERY spot on while Whirly comes up with the most beautifull sentences. Connor will be the next Shakespear.



Sorry guys , no late nite phonecalls. I stayed over at my cousins house and finally fell into a deep coma at 8 am.



Well , what can i say. There about 2 hours of my night missing , where apperently i was just standing there with my hands on my head an my eyes closed going "Pfffffff"



Everytime i thought i was gonna comedown , it came up again. Wicked mud.



It was a very good night , indeed. I needed a good rave up. It was in an old round fabric and the lightshow and fireworks where just amazing. The music was pretty good to. And it was time for my spring - twattedness.



Yeah. I'm still spaced out , but i bought some fruits and stuff.

U know.

Pfeeeeeeeeeeew! Pffffff * Sigh sigh sigh* Jezus man. What a night.

[ EDIT : JEANIE A.K.A SURFACE2AIR : I DELETED THE BIG PICTURE BECAUSE I DONT LIKE LAY OUT FNCK UP ]













And here a wicked video of a few months back , u can see how great the lightshow and the atmosphere is! And look at the amount of fucked up people. Great party :D



http://video.google....nings+amsterdam



The sound is just wicked because its an old round well not really fabric but where they used to store the weat u know that u make bread of. So the sound is just VERY hard and the bass just goes trough youre whole body.



Here u can see the amazing fireworks. This is from another time but the firwrorks where the same. The music is a bit hard , like hard techno , but i love it :D



http://www.youtube.c...related&search=

OOps layout fuck up. Sorry!

That looks sweet, Jeanie!



While clubbing the other night, I ran into a girl who claimed to have met me at this other club I'd only been to once... which was around Halloween when I was freshly single and got ridiculously twatted off a dozen drinks, a gram of dope, and 8 hits of E (before following it up with another two hits of E, two lorazepam and more joints than I can count when I got home around 9 AM). I had no memory of her whatsoever (or much of anything, to be honest), a real shame because she was gorgeous, but apparently we were "E Buddies all night" according to her. She knows a friend of mine, so I wouldn't mind keeping in touch......

That's pretty fuckin funny Darkstar... it's absolutely cool to have no memory of a really hot chick who remembers you.



and jeanie, that place looks awesome! with those fricken lasers it's like the Mothership was landing!





Drank about 2/3s of a bottle Laphroaig last night, along with a quarter trazadone and some bong hits. Remembered to drink 2 pints of water before falling over, so I passed out at midnight and managed to be up at 8:30 am with no hangover.



It really is true, it seems, the better the booze you drink, the better you feel the next day.

Man I'm twatted! Went to a hockey party and watched Montreal and Toronto battle for the final playoff spot before going to a Latina party that was actually rather boring. 7 beers, 4 x 8 mg ephedrine, 3 energy drinks, 4 joints, a blunt, and a couple bong rips. That 1/8 lasted me two days. D'oh!



And I'd given up on that girl I was seeing, had stopped calling her. But tonight I got a text message from her so maybe there's something left to be gained. Awesome, except for its now exams and I have no time.



Anyways, blasted and about to listen to the new Faithless album.

Okay guys.



Something happened that changed my opinion about drugs in on night.

I just wanna share it because one day it might happen to you , and i hope you make the same dicision as i did.



Its been exactly one year since i first did E. Ive done it a couple of times since that , but not a lot. I'm not somebody who will take drugs every week. The most fncked up ive ever been was prob NYE and last friday , and offcourse the first time but thats normal.



I'm always pretty carefull with drugs. Like , i tried coke once but immidiatly decided its not the drugs for me. I LOVE the feeling E or Mdma gives you , but i also realize it has to be an experience and not something you do every weekend. So , i dare to say that yes , i do like my drugs , but i am still pretty responsible ( as for as taking drugs CAN be a responsible thing )



Anyway , last friday i took , i dunno , how much it was really , but it took a bit of the MDMA cristals. It wasn't so much , i guess , but for me , being the lightweight that i am , well , i was pretty much rushing for 8 hours straight. It was great , i have to admit.



Anyway , yesterday i felt pretty good. I slept for 8 hours at my cousins place , after the sleep i felt really chilled , i ate some banana's and i had some fruit juice and stuff. I felt quite peacefull with th world. At around 8 i'm starting to feel really zoned out. Holding up a phonecall conversation or even THINKING was hard. Around 10 i came back to earth and i watched some telly and at 12 i went to bed and fell asleep immidiatly.



At 4 i wake up from a HUGE bang on my outside door ( I have a door in my room that leads into the garden ) and i wake up in total shock and panic. At this moment , again , i hear a HUGE bang. I am SO fucking scared and in panic that all i can do is grab onto my blankets with a pounding heart. After sitting like this for about 5 minutes i am finally able to move again and i turn on my bed lamp. I'm lying down again and it this point i started to hear a really high ringing sound in my room. It was quite loud. I asked , to no one in particulair " Whats going on ?! " and i check if maybe my cats are playing with their toys because they make a similair sound , but they are all sleeping. The ringing continues , and i go back to bed hoping it will stop , so i put my fingers in my ears. Clearly the sound was all in my head because it continued.



I decide the best i could do is go back to sleep and sleep it all off.

So i turn of my bed lamp and i turn on my lava-lamp instead because it only gives a little light. I'm resting my head on my pillow and suddenly i cant move anymore and i started to hallucinate. It was the scariest thing ever. I saw ( okay this is fucking weird ) a magazine lying next to me on the pillow , and the magazine was moving really fast , and i could even hear the sound it made. I couldnt close my eyes , it was like somebody was holding me down and forcing me to look at it. I said "Okay oma ( grandma ) okay oma , i get it! " because , well , my grandma died a few years ago but she is still in the house. She used to have my room ( i lived with my grandma , brother and mum for about 15 years ).



The reason why i said this , is because about a week ago i got SUCH a strong feeling that she wanted to warn me for something when she was in the house. U all might think i'm a frigging lunatic but i dont really care.



Anyhow , at this point i am really freaked out and i pull my blanket over my head. I still had my lava lamp on so the light is kind off shining true. The blanket was kind off , well it had shape in the form of a hoodie , u know what u pull over youre head. I'm really hallucinating now ( Or maybe it was al real ?! ) and i can see trough my blanket , and there is a person sitting on my bed in a black rope with a black hoodie and a white blurry skeleton - like face. I told myself "Its oma , its oma" but it wasnt , this was a very evil something sitting there on my bed. Again i could not move , i tried to touch it so it would vanish ( ? ) but i was paralized , some really heavy invisable weight was holding me down. FInally i am able to shake my head really wild , and the figure on my bed was gone.



It was the scariest thing i have ever seen or felt. I dont even know if it WAS a hallucination. I believe in energies , i believe my grandma is my gaurdian angel , and she tried to warn me. She was even here the night BEFORE i went partying. I know some of u are gonna think i have lost my mind , but i KNOW without a doubt my grandma tried to warn me and i ignored the sign she gave me , and now she gave me another sign SO powerfull that i can not ignore it. I think the black figure was a hallucination , the magazine def was , but the black figure....i LIKE to think it was a hallucination , but i also believe that when u take drugs you open up , and that attrackts good energies but also bad ones. I just dont know. I think what happened last nite was a combination of hallucinating from the drugs that i took 24 hours before , and my grandma who told me that for mme , drugs are not a good thing.



So i decided against it.

I have VERY big emotions. I have extreme NATURAL highs and extreme NATURAL lows. With E or MDMA , i have extreme extreme extreme highs and lows. I think those highs are fantastic , but those lows are possibly the worst things in the world. What i felt last nite was beyond fear and panic. It was pure horror and terror and i really felt as if my bedroom turned into hell. I wish nobody will ever feel the way i felt , but in a way , i also do , because it was SUCH an eye opener. It needed to happen. I think with MY emotions , i cant handle the lows. And i am happy i realise this now , i sucks because i love the rushing feeling , but i dont think the lows are worth it. ANd i NEVER want to experience what i experienced last night.



Now when i look at it , i feel like i see everything in perspective. I had some amazing experiences , "Journeys" , as i like to call them , and i will never forget Hollywood , NYE , those nights , but i should not try to get that feeling back. It was enough for me already after a year. Really , what happened last night turned my world upside down.



I'm still glad all of this happened , because , call me a fucking hippy , i feel like now i know what goodness there still is left in people. I know that a dancefloor on E is a place full of love , and i believe that really is IN people , it just needs a little push to come out. I'm glad i know now.



So , take out of this story what you want , think i am fucked in the head , but i felt like i needed to share it because i'm pretty sure this might happen to one of you , and u will think about this experience and know that when that happends , its best to realise that u had a great time , that u had amazing experiences , but now they should be amazing memories.



Jeanie.

Wow. I'd definitely make the same decision if something so powerful happened to me too! 8O

Definitely sounds like a powerful experience. I'd say give it some time so you can gain some perspective on the matter and see how you feel from there.



I was pretty weirded out after that crazy Halloween experience, I spent most of the next day hallucinating and wondering if I was ever going to come down (and kept smoking joints trying not to....). I was having a hard time distinguishing between reality and hallucination, much like the deliriants rather than like hallucinogens. I was seeing my parents and they were arguing with me even though they were out of town and logically could not possibly have been there, among other semi-disturbing things. It was a bit offputting but really made me think a lot about important things that were going on in my life.

Damn Jeanie! That's a freaky thing that happened. Your body and mind do strange things and fnck with your brain and open your perspective when you are in a physically and emotionally exhausted state - but take of it as you will. Drugs have a way of coursing through your veins long after you feel you've taken the time to rest and refresh. If you take your experience as a sign to steer clear, then that is your choice and yours alone and you have to let your heart guide you.



Once you've done something that has given you such an incredible high, there will never be a time quite like the first time, so chasing down the exact same experience will be futile and can eventually lead to trouble. I've known a few people who've spent too much time, including myself, trying to chase that first high - that's the ecstasy honeymoon, but it can apply to other drugs as well . When you need 4,6,8 or more pills just to get off and chase a high, then imo that's a sign that something obviously isn't working as it should (the pills don't work anymore, hahaha) There comes a time when you have to realize this and take it easy.



I'm glad I didn't have an experience that was close to what you went through and for the most part, most of my trips have been wonderful and even beautiful experiences (with the exception of ghb - nodding off is not a good thing in the least). But there have been times when I've teetered on the edge of panic and emotional/physical sickness from having too much of a good thing - much the same as when you realize you have 1 drink too many and the room is spinning and you're going to be sick, you're in for a rough night and there ain't nothing you can do.



Like I said, your perspectice is unique and your choice is yours alone to make. And I can respect that, Jeanie. :)

Thanks for the replies guys.



Yeah Whirly. The thing is , i always did realize its not a good thing to chase that first high , and i never tried doing it either. That was not really the point.



Because of things that have been going on recently i really know a 100% that my grandma really tried to warn me. If my grandma has antyhing to do with last nite , i dont know , whatever happend last nite , i dont know , but i really did make me realise i NEVER EVER want to feel the same way that i did.



It just cannot be a right thing , u know what i mean ? I dont want to feel high for 8 hours and than pay the price that i did last night. I still dont know what happened , but i cannot ignore this.



I talked about it with my good friend Anna and she said she's really glad i found this out so soon. I'm not saying this because i am comedown , because i feel pretty good actually , i took good care of myself , but clearly this is not a good thing for me. What i experienced last night was something that i cannot explain , but i just cannot ignore it.



I'm just glad i only needed a little but of mud to find this out. I never used much drugs , or often , but imagine what couldve happend if i took a lot ?!



Yeah this experience has really turned my world upside down. I'm glad some of u have never had this , altho Darkstar seems to kind of had the same thing. I just think that , like i said , i have extreme emotions. Everybody who knows me know that i am one big extreme moodswing. So when i am high , i am HIGH , but when i'm low , the world seems to end. I'm even scared of going to bed tonite because of what i saw in my bedroom.



I just dont think its worth it. I'll have a gin tonic in california , guys ;)

It can be quite frightening to deal with and especially because of the very personal nature of how what you saw and felt connected to you, I certainly understand where you're coming from. I would totally respect if you decided not to do it again, but I also recommend giving it some time before you make a vow or promise to yourself either.



For me, I toned it down after that weekend for quite a while. I've only done one pill since then, on the following weekend. It was a good warning not to get in too deep but it was also valuable for me to have gotten in that sort of creepy, deep ride. I learned a lot and wouldn't be against such a thing again.



Gin and tonics are good too, though. I'll have a double. ;-)

Well , we have a new forum-reader.



Its my mom. I let her read the post i just made about my experience and we had a very good conversation. She's not dissapointed in me or anything , she understands that i wanted to experience , she just hopes i learned from this and i will never do it again. I cant say i wont ever do it again , because 2 years ago i said i would never take drugs , but how i feel now , no , no more drugs for the Jeanie. I dont ever want to experience what i experiences last night.



I'm glad my mum is so open and cool. She totally understood everything.

That's really cool that she was understanding. I think that's definetly a step further than I could go in being open withn my parents. I definetly like to play spin doctor and make sure they only know about things in ways that I intend for them to know about.

yikes -- good luck !

wish I could say something but I can't relate at all...

I have never done drugs (someday probably but I don�t feel the necessity right now) , so I�m not sure what to say

but I remember a few months back you said you didnt need them.



what changed your perspective? :?

Jeanie I think you're really lucky you had an experience like that before you got too far into drugs. Friends of mine that have extreme highs and lows have found it very easy to get addicted to substances, and it just made their highs and lows bigger and bigger. Everyone has low points, but when you naturally have extreme highs and lows it makes it all the more unbearable when you're down. And one night you'll be feeling like sh1t but everyone's heading out for a night on the pills, and you go with them to make yourself feel better.... and then it gets easier and easier to take something when you're feeling down. It's just a vicious downward spiral.



Obviously deep down you know that somewhere along the line this could easily start happening and you'd fcuk up the rest of your life, otherwise you wouldn't have opened yourself up to seeing what your grandma wanted you to see. Alot of people would just put it down as being the drugs playing tricks on you... It shows alot of maturity and intelligence to actually take what you felt seriously and make changes. I can't smoke pot very much anymore - not due to one specific experience, but more just what it did to me as a person after using it for so long. Drugs aren't for everybody, and sometimes I wish I realised that long before I actually did.