Posted 04 August 2006 - 6:03 PM
Rivers Cuomo of weezer
This one is especially painful for me because, as a tremendous fan of weezer, the lessons taught to me by their songs such as ?be a tremendous pussy? ensured my virginity and the virginity of many other young men throughout the 1990s. This decade was full of similar self-destructive messages; for example, the theme of the TV show Friends seemed to be: ?If you?re in love with a woman, whine like someone pulled the heads off of your Barbies and be sure to totally fag up the room.?
As easy as it is to loathe the man now, I do have a small bit of sympathy for Rivers as he gave us two of the greatest Alternative Rock albums of all time, back when Alternative Rock actually got its own section in record stores as opposed to the ?rap? and ?not rap? classifications of today. Here?s a fact: their fantastic Blue Album was so popular that if you lived in the suburbs and didn?t own it, it was sent to you in the mail for free, like fabric softener samples(this is a 90s reference that you children are so fond of!). And if you threw the CD in with your laundry, you would smell like catchy pop hits and burning plastic, much like Justin Timberlake before he began to stink of Jheri Curl and Cameron Diaz?s underthings.
But, for Rivers, the good times wouldn?t last (that is my Behind the Music segue).
Weezer?s second album, Pinkerton, came out in the fall of 1996, but by that time America was too caught up in Tupac ghost sightings to care. So instead of having pride in making one of the best albums of the 1990s (paging Dr. David Thorpe), Rivers did the most rational thing possible and went into hiding for five years, on a sabbatical where the purpose seemed to be ?become batshit insane and forget everything you learned about music.? This is why in 2001 the Green Album seemed to be written and performed by the Soulless Songomatron 5000, (responsible for all of Aerosmith?s ballads) because each song on this album can be displayed as a simple algebra equation. They followed this album with 2002?s ?I Swear We Will Be Good This Time, For Reals,? which did not deliver on its promises or poor grammar, and is so forgettable that the very concept of this album actually phases in and out of existence. In fact, if you reload this page, the previous sentence may be gone! Weezer?s most recent popular hit, ?Beverly Hills,? has the distinction of giving the world a ?We Will Rock You? for the 21st century, except instead of about rocking it?s about being a nerd.
We?ve come so far.