So, tonight saw the end of my nearly-six-year relationship. We broke up of mutual agreement that things weren't working and weren't likely to be fixed anytime soon. It was tough, but a cordial and good breakup as far as these things go.



Went out for a couple of beers and some good talk with a couple of friends and though I expected it to be a step-by-step retelling of all the gritty details followed by a general mopefest, it was really just a nice night out with the boys. I had a really good time and was beginning to really feel good about things again.



.......



And then on the way home dropping them off, she calls me. I don't answer. She sends a couple of texts saying maybe we should just take a month's break instead. Now she's called a couple more times. I'm not picking up tonight.



I'm not mad or bitter or even sad right now, just a little confused. Although I thought we were going to break up and I think it's the best thing for both of us, I could probably have been talked into giving us another chance when we got together earlier tonight. Now I've worked off so much of the pain already and it's coming back?



I don't know what the future will bring and I told her I'd like to be friends eventually. In time. As in not now. I feel like scum not answering her calls and turning off the answering machine at home, but I can't deal with this tonight. I don't think we should talk for AT LEAST a week, if not a month or more. This was a tough night for both of us and I think we need time to gain perspective.



So I hope she takes a hint and doesn't keep calling me tomorrow. She was really strong and really good about things earlier tonight. Although she probably pushed for the breakup more than I did, I still care for her and have the utmost respect for her, but I think breaking up was probably the right idea.



Anyways, yeah, I needed to get that off my chest and let all of you know what was going on.



If anyone has any advice, ideas, encouragement, or general venting about members of the opposite sex, please feel free. It's odd to be single again after six years, but I hope to make the most of it and not make any rash and stupid decisions.



Cheers,





Tim

Hey Tim--I'm on a break from a one-year relationship. It's mutual for the both of us, though we're still talking and seeing each other every few weeks, so it's more like an open relationship at the moment.



My advice is to not feel bad about not answering her calls, but make sure she understands that you guys shouldn't talk. Be honest and open with her about what you need, and give her the chance to understand what needs to happen between you two, even if she doesn't allow herself to completely understand that.



If it takes you a year apart, completely separate, to realize that you two aren't supposed to be together, then it is what needs to happen.



Good luck.



-Andy

I've been goin thru somethin similiar for 8 months now, and i think i lost it somewhere along the way now. No pt holding onto something that's not changing u into a better/ happier person. The first few days/ weeks/ months will be very painful/ confusing/ especially when u'r drunk n u (think) u need her so much, n all that crap between u is just crap, u should get back right away, u might send some stupid texts then, haha, i've done a lot of that, n felt like such a loser later, but if u really think it's not worth it, then hold on n let go. haha.

or decide u wanna stick on, and give it another shot, damn, i don't have time, but life's a bitch sometimes, most of the times for me forever now, but all the best dude, it's gonna be tough whichever way u choose for a while. and it's u who really decides whether she's worth the pain or not.

Long relationships don't end, they fade out. if you're with someone for more than a year (and even less sometimes) you will not just stop talking to them abruptly, or at least you shouldn't. I think it will hurt her to not be able to get in contact with you and it would be emotionally easier for her to if you just talked to her and stuck you position to make it an easier transition. I know being a guy we are pretty much an on/off switch so it's easy for us to end a relation. But if it were me I would keep in contact with her so she doesn't feel too lonly/abandoned.



Plus, there are a lot of guys out there who are kicking themselves in the nuts for leaving behind a long relationship they cannot go back to. My roomate always talks about being one of the worst decisions he's made... and it was like 2 years ago! Not that you have to keep in contact with her, but I would end it on a good note in case you have a change of thought. It would suck if you came back to her and she gave you a piss off remark.



Either way hope it works out the best for you... that's just my wisdom, different from others. Cheers

I don't know much about u guys, but I'm this kind of guy whos not able to become a 'friend' with the girl I split up with. If I broke up with my gf, I would never want to see her again. Even thinking of her would bring back lot of pain, not to mention coming across with her with her new boyfriend. YES, I'm just too mean.



It really depends on what kind of person you are. but If you are like me, try not to get in touch with her again, even you could be missing her soo much. your pain will cease as time goes by.



Good luck. :P

Hey man, im sorry to here about that, dont know what to really say other that your a decent bloke and things will work out in the long run. Sorry to bring this up, but does this increase your chances of coming on NYE, would be excellent to meeet you again.

Thanks everyone for the words. I do plan on talking to her again, but I really think we both need a few days to settle down before doing so. Maybe I'll text her today to say that.



The relationship had been in serious decline for the last year, with alternating periods of good/bad, with the swings increasing in frequency. Jeanie and Mips were privy to a good solid me-having-a-relationship-crisis chat a few days after NYE last year. :D

ACIDCHILDREN Escribi�:

Sorry to bring this up, but does this increase your chances of coming on NYE, would be excellent to meeet you again.

I wish. I thought about that last night out at the pub and if I only had the money...... So broke. But don't think I won't be visiting discount airfare sites this week when I get the chance. I'll fly in the cargo hold of a plane to Timbuktu carrying ebola-infected monkeys if it meant getting to NYE. :D

Hey Tim, I'm sorry to hear this has happened and no matter how mutual and friendly the break up - it does not make ending a long term relationship any easier. I know just from being around you and hearing you talk about her, you did honestly care about this girl. I remember a post a few months back when you and your ex girlfriend were on the brink, so I don't think it's too presumptious of me to guess that something like this was bound to come along. When a relationship is chugging along only because it's comfortable, it's not really fair to keep hanging on and hoping things will straighten themselves out IMO. Not fair to her if you're miserable, not fair to yourself if all you see is a dead end.



I think you and she will be fine in the long run. You are still young. Maybe I am old fashioned but if you feel the need to say something to her (like, let's take it easy) then do it in person or at the very least do it on the phone. Text messaging is far too impersonal. And don't do this today, contact her in a week or so. Get the point across and let her hear your voice after the dust has settled.

w00t!



DUDE! GOOD JOB MAN!!!



Now you can get all that fine pussy you've been having to pass on!



You're only 20something once, and that's faaaaaaaaaaaar too young to be in any sort of committed relationship.



yes, yes, I know, I got married at 21, but no one should ever use me for any sort of role model whatsoever, because any decision I've ever made has only turned out well completely by chance.



GO FORTH, AND SPREAD YOUR SEED, YOUNG TIM!

toomuch'stash Escribi�:

w00t!



DUDE! GOOD JOB MAN!!!



Now you can get all that fine pussy you've been having to pass on!



You're only 20something once, and that's faaaaaaaaaaaar too young to be in any sort of committed relationship.



yes, yes, I know, I got married at 21, but no one should ever use me for any sort of role model whatsoever, because any decision I've ever made has only turned out well completely by chance.



GO FORTH, AND SPREAD YOUR SEED, YOUNG TIM!

Did Slipvin just took over stash's account ?

No no, I can totally see stash saying that.



Darkstar, I can totally empathise with you man. I was there 2 years ago, mine was only 2.5 years long but it was still a weird feeling. My strategy was to listen to a lot of Radiohead (I didn't like them before the break-up), seemed to work well - I still dig them now so I'm happy I gained a band!

You'll get through this mate, you just need to work on changing your perspective on life. I'm sure Mary Jane will help you on that one :)

Nope, that's just pure me. I don't think anyone should have any sort of committed relationship until they're at LEAST 25 years old, 30 would be better.



I don't practice what I preach cuz I ain't the kinda man I'm preachin' to.

Darkstarexodus Escribi�:

So, tonight saw the end of my nearly-six-year relationship. We broke up of mutual agreement that things weren't working and weren't likely to be fixed anytime soon. It was tough, but a cordial and good breakup as far as these things go.



Went out for a couple of beers and some good talk with a couple of friends and though I expected it to be a step-by-step retelling of all the gritty details followed by a general mopefest, it was really just a nice night out with the boys. I had a really good time and was beginning to really feel good about things again.



.......



And then on the way home dropping them off, she calls me. I don't answer. She sends a couple of texts saying maybe we should just take a month's break instead. Now she's called a couple more times. I'm not picking up tonight.



I'm not mad or bitter or even sad right now, just a little confused. Although I thought we were going to break up and I think it's the best thing for both of us, I could probably have been talked into giving us another chance when we got together earlier tonight. Now I've worked off so much of the pain already and it's coming back?



I don't know what the future will bring and I told her I'd like to be friends eventually. In time. As in not now. I feel like scum not answering her calls and turning off the answering machine at home, but I can't deal with this tonight. I don't think we should talk for AT LEAST a week, if not a month or more. This was a tough night for both of us and I think we need time to gain perspective.



So I hope she takes a hint and doesn't keep calling me tomorrow. She was really strong and really good about things earlier tonight. Although she probably pushed for the breakup more than I did, I still care for her and have the utmost respect for her, but I think breaking up was probably the right idea.



Anyways, yeah, I needed to get that off my chest and let all of you know what was going on.



If anyone has any advice, ideas, encouragement, or general venting about members of the opposite sex, please feel free. It's odd to be single again after six years, but I hope to make the most of it and not make any rash and stupid decisions.



Cheers,





Tim

Can i have her number ?

stash i totally agree with you!

a relationship in my eyes cannot be taken seriously until teenage hormones are completely out of the picture. I thought I was in love a couple of years back, but in hindsight i realise i was just struck by lust.

being single teaches you alot about yourself, and if the right person comes along take it sure, but i dont get people that go out searching for a relationship, they just force themselves into something that may not be natural.

1 night stands are great to get your frills, as long as you wrap up warm theres no probs at all. i dont see why they are damned by some people. theyre better than bouncing from 1 relationship to the next fucking up peoples emotions!

theres my 2 cents

-peace x

Well, everyone is allowed their 2 cents, I guess

From a girl's perspective, things are a little different. It is in a girl's nature, (and I don't mean to sound sexist) but almost a gender imperative, to be a gatherer and what goes along with that is always seeking - even if it's in the back of her mind - stability. The emotional stability, that yearning is always there. And what is long term can be seen as the equivalent of stability in a girl's eyes. That is why in my opinion a girl is more apt to seek out a long term relationships even at a younger age whereas men - being the hunters that they are - can't be bothered to waste so much time on these sorts of... frivolous things.



I had an on-off relationship for nearly 6 years that ended when a few short months shy of my 20th birthday. By the time we parted ways there was no pain on my part and there was certainly no guilt, just the realization that there was nothing more to be gained in the relationship. No hard feelings, took what we learned and we parted amicably - that is rare. He was a nice guy - but we just were too young and had grown apart and we couldn't make the long haul. I've had other relationships that were much more brief but a lot more intense. Some ended well, a couple ended badly. You live, you learn.



If you are not the right mate for someone that does not make you a bad person. It's good to keep that in perspective, especially since there will be times when you wonder where did it all start to go wrong.



I think it's important to go through the motions of emotional investments that relationships offer. Even if hindsight is 20/20 and you were young at the time and you come to realize later on that what you felt then wasn't necessarily love but your hormones getting in the way. You can't ever grow and learn until you go through it. It sucks real bad to suffer a broken heart, it is a pain that hurts like no other. I know it sounds terrible but I think everyone should go through it. A lot can be learned about yourself in the process. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger in the end.



And that's my purple tuppences worth.

I texted her today to say that I don't think we should talk for a few days so we can gain perspective and that I don't think a one month break will fix things enough. Told her if she needs to get in touch, e-mail is best (I need to be able to think about my responses before making them so I don't make dumb decisions). Will probably call her, or answer the phone, etc. in a week or so. But I needed to let her know I wasn't ignoring her right now. We'll see where this takes us.



I'm sad, but also relieved, and have few regrets about things. It was a great relationship that lasted a long time and which taught me a lot about life in general.



It'll take a while to move on and though I might be looking for casual arrangements with near-randoms at some point to satisfy physical needs, that's a ways off. At any rate, you just know all the opportunities I've had over the past year or so will dry up hardcore now that I'm actually available. The way the cookie crumbles and somesuch.







'stash: I knew you would say that. haha, cheers. I'll try not to let you down.



chemicalreaction: She's done the long-distance thing before. Move up here and I'll consider it. :D

benjam Escribi�:

1 night stands are great to get your frills, as long as you wrap up warm theres no probs at all. i dont see why they are damned by some people. theyre better than bouncing from 1 relationship to the next fucking up peoples emotions!

theres my 2 cents

-peace x

Careful what you wish for! When I met toomuch'stash, the last thing on our minds was something long term and well - let's just say that what set out to be a one night stand ended up as something else entirely. ;) Now we're married for nearly 12 years.



Then again we are not normal people nor the type to model your life by. X-D



I will say this. It's crude, but a fuck ain't a good fuck unless is there is some respect there in the morning. Fact. It might be fun - of course it is - and it's a carefree way for a lot of people not become emotionally invested - but that approach gets old, faster than anyone wants to realize. I have to disagree with a point you made on one night stands being void of emotional investment. I've known plenty of women who are full of baggage from whoring herself out for one night stands.



Oh, and for the record, the sex does not die when you get married. I am of the opinion it gets better and better. But I'll let stash speak for himself. }:-)

whirlygirl Escribi�:

Oh, and for the record, the sex does not die when you get married. I am of the opinion it gets better and better. But I'll let stash speak for himself. }:-)

Oh please, like I can remember anything from 12+ years ago to compare it too. I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night.



you know I'm kidding.



actually, my sex life is so amazingly spectacular that the only reason I don't brag about it on here is cuz Whirly is shy. and I don't want anyone chasing my woman. but she is the proverbial 'Super Freak' that rick james sang about.

yeah darkstar think you did a good move.