please help







peace

hmmm, to relieve bordum I usually turn to my best friend whiskey (just joking).



You got any houses of ill repute in your area?

if you cant find a house of ill repute try this instead:



http://forums.theche...opic.php?t=1330



;)

chemd'up Escribi�:

please help







peace

I have many stories I'm willing to share, and you know I loooooooooove to type. ;) Pick a topic...

go for a walk *gasp* outside?

out.....side????? :? what is this place you speak of????



yeah i decided to just have a wank and go to bed!





whirly....id love a story! :D

an idle mind is a devil's workshop

chemd'up Escribi�:

out.....side????? :? what is this place you speak of????



yeah i decided to just have a wank and go to bed!





whirly....id love a story! :D

I've got a boxfull of stories from when I did a short stint at the adult shop. That would keep any pervert entertained! ;) Plus the job I have now forces me to interact with the public at large. Record stores seem to sweat all the people out of the woodwork but it always makes for good storytelling.



I'm cutting short on time here, so it'll have to be a cliffhanger til I get back from work later today... Adult shop, or record store story. I'm game - pick one and I'll tell you a bedtime story!

whirlygirl Escribi�:

chemd'up Escribi�:

yeah i decided to just have a wank and go to bed!

Adult shop, or record store story. I'm game - pick one and I'll tell you a bedtime story!

haha, going by that, I think he wants an adult bedtime story :D

-> used to work at an adult shop :?





( its not all fun and games ) actully it was really disturbing....





everyone is going to go with the adult story ..duh

ive always wanted to work in a sex shop.



in fact my aunties just opened one in ibiza - but its more 'high couture' stuff - classy naked birds and that and statues and stuff, with expensive toys.



so yeah - porn basically. ha.

porn shop story porn shop story!!!!!!!!!

First of all, let me reiterate what Nerdcore already said. Working in one of those stores is not all fun and games and it could be very disturbing!! At first, I thought it would be a fun break from being a desk jockey, but it really turned out to be too much. Especially since I tend to be a natural freak magnet and complete strangers tend to divulge things that wouldn't ordinarily be a part of conversation amongst strangers. I'm sure anyone with even the smallest imagination could envision some of what went on. If that job taught me anything (other than the blaringly obvious) it was that even though I'm outgoing and a freak magnet, I was just too modest for a job like that. Just as well. Anyway, on with the story - you'll have to highlight it to read it, because, well, it's not exactly the most suitable forum material especially for virgin eyes, er, yeah:



There was this woman that came into the shop. She was petite, very normal and relatively plain looking, with mousey brown hair, glasses, and a soft and almost timid voice. I first met her when she was wandering around the age 21+ section of the store (where all the really naughty toys were) looking helpless and confused. I asked her if she needed any help. She said, in her meek voice, "Yes... my boyfriend... well, he really wants to try... well, he really wants to try..." and she went on like this, unable to spit the rest out and sounding like a broken record. Eventually, she blurted "he wants to try it... you know..." and she blushes. "...from behind... and I kind of want to... you know... adjust myself so... you know, prime the 'area' so it doesn't hurt. I would like to surprise him."



Feeling her obvious discomfort with the task at hand, I offered, "Well, all right. You're not the first to go that route and you won't be the last - so let me show you some things that might help you in that department."



I lead her to some simple, erhm, plugs - if you will. I show her a small, slender one and sell her a bottle of lube and send her on her way.



A couple of days later, she's back. And she's a little more confident, as she's got a spring in her step. "I think I'm ready for something a little larger," she says.



I sell her a slightly larger plug (it was purple) and she skips out of the store and says she'll be back in a couple days. I wonder, will I'll be at work when she does come back? Of course, I was - and I spot her arrival before she's even in the door. She waves hello with a cheery smile and makes a beeline toward the anal section of the 21+ area and starts to scrutinize the other backdoor toys. Her confidence level is skyrocketing. She's priming herself for her boyfriend's big surprise!



She starts asking about the anal beads, and I pick out a yellow strand that I felt would be suitable for her needs and she's inquisitive, asking how and if they can enhance foreplay and sex and all that. She seems sold, but has concerns about the thread connecting the beads. I tell her that she didn't have to worry, she would barely notice the thread, but she wasn't convinced. She goes for a short strand of purple (her color of coice for sex toys I guess) squat, largish rubber-like jelly beads that didn't have the offensive thread. Instead, the skinny 'thread' between the beads was the same material as the beads themselves - so the entire link was one piece. The whole thing couldn't have been more than 6 or 8 inches long, and the beads were a little bit... advanced. I try talking her into the nice long yellow strand of smaller beads, but she liked the color purple and she liked that the whole thing was made of pvc.



"OK," I said, wondering when she'd be back in for something newer and more exciting.



A few nights later I get a call from Jeff. Jeff was a workmate, good fun to work with and had a great sense of humor and sometime's we'd call each other and swap stories from the day and whatnot. That night he was at the other sex shop location. So Jeff's on the line, and he's laughing so hard he could barely talk. He says, "I just got off the phone with your anal customer..."



I said, "Oh really - which one?"



And he says, "the woman who likes purple... she was very very upset."



"Well, spit it out and tell me. What's up?"



It took a bit to calm him down, since he was still in fits of laughter. I could hear his other coworkers were in on it. They had me on speakerphone, so it was like one big party. At least there were people to bear witness. The conversation between Jeff and purple anal woman went something like this:



"Hello, hello??? Oh my god... I need to talk to..."



Jeff: "She's at the other location. Is there something I can help you with, do you want me to give you the number to her store?"



Woman: "Oh my god... I don't want to go to the hospital!!!"



Jeff: "OK, ma'am, you need to tell me what's the matter."



Woman: "Oh my boyfriend is going to kill me!" *crying*



Jeff: "Please ma'am. Calm down, and maybe I can help you."



Woman: "Oh my god... oh my god...ohmygod... they're stuck!!! They're all the way in and I can't grab the ring at the end because it's all the way in and they're fucking stuck!"



Jeff: "What's stuck?"



Woman: *crying* "The beads... those beads!!! I should've gotten the yellow ones. Oh my god, help me... I can't go to the hospital like this!"



Jeff: "OK, ma'am, what you're gonna have to do is take a few deep breaths. You probably won't have to go to the hospital..."



Woman: "I can't calm down!!! I have a strand of purple rubber beads stuck in my ass and I can't..." *cries*



Jeff: "You're gonna have to do as I say. You need to go to the toilet. OK? Lift the lid and sit down on the toilet. Take a few deep breaths. You with me?"



Woman: *sob* "Yes."



Jeff: "OK, now breathe. Try and relax. OK? Now... act like you're having a bowel movement."



Woman: "What????"



Jeff: "It's the only way. Just enough until you can grab the ring so you can pull them out. You *must* relax - or they're not gonna come out."



Woman: *strains*



Jeff: "You still with me?"



Woman: *strains*



Jeff said the poor woman was straining for 3 more minutes until the item became dislodged. Then she thanked him profusely, then hung up.



All in a day's work, I suppose.





Ok, back to reality. Now normally, I wouldn't be up for a conversation like that, but how I wish I had gotten the call rather than hear it from my coworkers - who never let me live that one down!!!



And needless to say, I never saw the woman again. The day she got her butt in a bunch was the day I lost a loyal customer.



Oh well, I think I lasted another month at the shop anyway. Good times.







Good god, please Chemicals, come out with some new tunes!!!

Wow... I think I might've said too much

LMFAO !!!



anal toys !





at least they were not glass .. she could have cut herself

X-D

8O Shocking!!!! hahaha,but great! X-D



My girlfriend and I don't understand what's so great about arse-sex.....

What's that all about???

That's a classic whirlygirl :) Ouch! :o Ahahaha! lmfao indeed!

whirlygirl Escribi�:

Good god, please Chemicals, come out with some new tunes!!!

X-D Amen. 8)

GLAKO-FAHN Escribi�:

My girlfriend and I don't understand what's so great about arse-sex.....

What's that all about???

*ahem* pulls glako aside.



smaller whole = tighter fit

tighter fit = better feel



there's also some other stimulation (for her) that's a little complicated to expalin w/o a diagram/model and over the internet



also the implied idea that you're being "bad"

whirlygirl Escribi�:

Wow... I think I might've said too much

8O omg i want more (im wet) thanks to god that i�m nude :P

8O omg i want more (im wet) thanks to god that i�m nude :P[/quote]









what in the hell????????!!!!!! :?







whirly you are a true genius, that was absolutely classic!!!!!!!!





i never got those anal beads........glako, arse-sex can be quite good, just em.....choose the right time!



i know a girl who finally gave in and let her boyf shag her up the wrong'n and as he pulled out she....well....shit every where!!!!!!! hahahahaha she was so drunk and he wasn't she just said "serves you right" and slept on the couch!!!!!!! hahahaha X-D X-D X-D X-D





more whirly more!!!!!!!!!!